idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
