so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
