I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
