when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
