Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
