fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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