How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
