Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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