fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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