just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
