I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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