But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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