im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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