We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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