She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
