I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
