Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize