remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
