her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
A bitchslap is in order.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
