So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
