I accidentally had phone sex last night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
A bitchslap is in order.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize