ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
