The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
