absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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