pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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