that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize