I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
