Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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