Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
