Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You smell like stripper and shame
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
