I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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