I can text with my tongue
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
