jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Less talking, more tequila
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
