New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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