Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
