the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
