There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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