I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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