some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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