Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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