i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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