Fuck appropriateness.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
