It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do vagina's smell?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
