Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
