Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
