My hand turned me down
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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