They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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