Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
