guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
