he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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