nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
