i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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