ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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