Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
