I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
