The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
