I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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