But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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