I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
