That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
