there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
