dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
