have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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