i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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