your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize